Have you ever felt like you would give anything to get away, far away, just you and God? Away from distractions? Away from responsibilities? Away from people? Away from your own thoughts and emotions?
Yupp!! That’s what I’m experiencing right now. But yet I am alone in my car and instead of taking this time to spend with God, I’m here blogging instead. It’s foolish of me to continue typing because minutes before I pulled my phone back out to type all of this I was just saying outloud, “I want more of You, God. I just want more of You.”
But then minutes before that I was looking through my contacts checking to see who I can call to speak to or to text before tossing my phone into my bag. Are you kidding me?!? I wanna smack myself for this foolishness.
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I was born straight into a broken home. One parent was diagnosed with schizophrenia, battled demons (literally), depression, and drug addiction. The other parent abused prescription drugs and I suspect molestation and who had absolutely no idea what is was to love herself, let alone a child. My mom was 23 when she had me. I don’t know the entire story and I am sure I never will, but shortly thereafter – she became a single mom. My dad lived in Puerto Rico for a couple years, but my grandma (his mom) would pick me up sometimes so that I could have a relationship with his side of the family. I still remember the day he came back to NJ and they introduced me to him. I was so confused, and at roughly 6 years old, had no idea how to even feel. It was fun while it lasted. But because my mom and dad could never get along, my mom turned into this “baby mama” and completely just removed him from my life all together. My mom was a workaholic, and although when I was really young she spent a bit more time with me, as I got older, she would stay at work for about 12 hours and even when she was home, it was obvious she didn’t care much about connecting.
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#Repost from IG – 🌿 Y E S T E R D A Y #latepost & lengthy too 😉 – A week ago my entire life changed. I am now a mother of two precious little boys 👦👶. This past week has been filled with all kinds of emotions. Though I am now completely filled with joy, I can’t say the same was true for the last several days. I found myself falling into what felt like a deep depression.
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