I was born straight into a broken home. One parent was diagnosed with schizophrenia, battled demons (literally), depression, and drug addiction. The other parent abused prescription drugs and I suspect molestation and who had absolutely no idea what is was to love herself, let alone a child. My mom was 23 when she had me. I don’t know the entire story and I am sure I never will, but shortly thereafter – she became a single mom. My dad lived in Puerto Rico for a couple years, but my grandma (his mom) would pick me up sometimes so that I could have a relationship with his side of the family. I still remember the day he came back to NJ and they introduced me to him. I was so confused, and at roughly 6 years old, had no idea how to even feel. It was fun while it lasted. But because my mom and dad could never get along, my mom turned into this “baby mama” and completely just removed him from my life all together. My mom was a workaholic, and although when I was really young she spent a bit more time with me, as I got older, she would stay at work for about 12 hours and even when she was home, it was obvious she didn’t care much about connecting.
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.” – Luke 15:20-21
Here’s a story about a son who asks his dad for his inheritance way before it’s time. His father grants his wish & he chooses to go far away & pretty much “lives it up”. After some time has passed, he runs out of all the inheritance that was given to him. He realizes he was better off living with his dad because he had all that he needed. When he finally came to his senses, he realized he had turned his back on his father. He chose the life he thought would be much more satisfying than the life he had been currently living only to leave him feeling empty & lost. When he realized what he had done, he committed himself to go back & ask for His father’s forgiveness. His father had been waiting for him all this time. Once he saw him from a distance, he ran to his son. Embraced him with opens arms & celebrated his return.
I remember being with someone who I swore up & down I could help change but instead it only sucked the life out of me in the process. I was so focused on helping him that I lost sight of me & what God was trying to do in my life. I knew deep down it was time to let go but I refused to. I felt I could speed up the process by “helping” God. I would ask family & friends to pray for him. I would send him links to all these different sermons/messages I found on YouTube. Send him scriptures. I would pray & negotiate with God – Yes! I said negotiate – I would tell God I’d do this or that if only He would change his heart & help him see things for what they truly were but the one who needed to see things for what they were & who needed a heart change was ME!! Of course my ex did also but I was much more concerned about him that I didn’t realize how I needed to focus on me & my relationship with God. Here I was entertaining a relationship that I clearly knew (but refused to accept) wasn’t pleasing God.
Oftentimes God allows certain situations to occur so that we would seek more of Him. Whenever things seem to be out of our control, it’s because it is. And the only One who has the control to make it right is … Him! He wants us to understand that only He is capable of turning our situation around & making them into something great if only we could let go of the wheel & allow Him to take control.