* Previously recorded on July 20, 2022
As I became more self-aware and started to make changes (unlearn certain thought patterns and behaviors), I felt were necessary for me, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. In the process, I had to learn how to consider my own feelings but as a people pleaser of many years, this did not come easy nor was setting boundaries. I always felt responsible to explain myself to others but I realized that as you begin to make changes in your own life, you’re not going to be able to please everyone. Some will not understand, nor will they agree. Others may not even respect it and will decide to walk away because it’s not what they signed up for and that is their right.
You have to be willing to take the risk of losing those who are just not meant to go where you are going or willing to wait for you on the other side. The same way you’re choosing to do what is best for you, they are entitled to do the same. Some friendships/relationships that you thought would have weathered through the storms will begin to grow apart, and you go through a grieving/mourning phase that is hard to describe but it’s a risk you’re willing to take because your well-being is on the line. Let me also add, those who don’t respect it and choose to walk away are not necessarily bad people. Sometimes they just don’t understand what’s going on and if you’re not able to explain to them what’s happening it just makes it harder for them to want to stick around. Other friendships/relationships grow even deeper and stronger because of these changes. It’s all part of the process. You’re not going to be able to please everyone and you have to be OK with that.
In hindsight, I worried about being disliked, misunderstood or perceived as a “bad person”. I believe I could have done a better job at communicating my thoughts and feelings to a selected few, but I didn’t know then what I know now. I didn’t have the confidence nor the courage that I do now. I kept things cordial but I started to distance myself from those I didn’t feel I could be my true self with or felt didn’t have my best interest in mind. I was embarking on a new journey of becoming my own best friend while breaking free from the bully I had been to myself for so many years.
These videos I’ve chosen to share are just snapshots of what this journey has been like. Every day I’m discovering something new about me. These daily check-ins have been the result of creating a safe space where I can be seen and heard by me in order to heal, grow and freely walk in who God created me to be. 🌱🪴🌻